- Monday July 15th, 2019
- Posted by: viktoria
- Category: Happier Life
🙃 Get- happy secret series 😁
Week 4 – Get connected
When she lost her job all of a sudden and became redundant, Barbara felt that her world collapsed. She was desperate that she was rejected and she was a BIG failure.
She felt that her life is falling apart and did not want to do anything but feel sorry for herself. Barbara felt so ashamed that they got rid of her that she stopped hanging out with her friends and did not even want to tell her family she was made redundant.
Barbara came to me in despair and loneliness. She felt that she is not wanted, she must have done something wrong because they let her go and she was just ashamed of her position. She told me she did not want to share her struggles with family and friends because she thought she will be judged, pitied and everyone would think she is a failure.
She came to me because she wanted that connection we all humans crave for.
We are social beings and it is our innate behaviour that we want to be connected and feel related.
Due to our evolution, we always lived in tribes and becoming an outcast meant our chances of survival became very thin.
Us living in communities meant we are connected, protected and safe. There was always food, shelter and protection from dangerous animals that tried to eat us.
The first thing I told her to look at her shame and question it. Where does it come from and what is so shameful for her about being made redundant? Also if there is any evidence of friends and family reacting judgemental and expressing times when they looked at her and told her she was a failure in the past.
After we examined that I asked her the following:
- What will happen if you share your struggles with them?
- What might happen if you do not share your struggles with them?
- What might not happen if you do not share your struggles with them?
- What might not happen if you share your struggles with them?
Barbara looked at me, and said: WHAT??
Yes, I said, let us look at each question and so we did. It was hard for her but she pushed through and what came out of it…..
She will be isolating herself from her loved ones and she will feel even more miserable. So she will connect with them and leave her ego behind which was getting in the way.
So the next time she came back to me, I asked how things are going.
Barbara was much calmer, composed and told me she opened up to her loved ones and they were so supportive, she could not believe it. She told me her fears were ridiculous and her family and friends have been nothing but wonderful. Her friends even helping with her CV….
We continued working on her self-confidence and resilience for the future. After couple of week, she landed a new job and she was happier than ever.
So it is normal to crave that connection and it is also a foundation for our well-being. People who have a strong family and friend support network manage and handle obstacles better. Also, studies show they live longer as they are happier in general.
The feeling of connection is called relatedness, and it is another key to increasing your happiness levels.
Knowing that other people understand, accept, love and support us enhances our feelings of well-being and give our mental health a safe haven.
So how to boost your happiness today?
- The key to connecting to others is QUALITY of time, NOT quantity
- Make whatever moments you share with family and friends count
- Choose activities where you can talk to one another, such as go for coffee, lunch rather than cinema
- Open up about what is on your mind and in your heart
- When they do the same, make sure you are fully PRESENT for them too (put your phone away)
- Listen to them and feel honoured they are sharing their life with you too
You can get connected to others by REACHING OUT. Try volunteering at your local community, nursing home, animal shelter or take part in charity events.
Whatever you do, keep in mind that others want to feel connected just like you.
You are never alone. <3